| Twisting into an emotional mess, I wanted to die. Something inside kept telling me, I needed to stay alive. Yet,the days were darkened and the nights were restless. Going through the "motions" of each day. Making a path of destruction behind me. The world was closing in without a light to the tunnel and no air to breathe. I wanted to give up. I wanted to let it all go and take my last breath. Something happened, something way beyond the control of my own. A support beam with understanding, great character and non-judgmental traits. A realization of the truth and not just an opportunity for advantages to be taken in the presence of vulnerability. Longing for a support group to help with my grief or to understand my pain, I took a step back, I talked for hours unleashing my thoughts, I laughed, I endured the journey with a friend whom we decided to journey our pains together and place them into the atmosphere without judgement. This is what saved me. Learning again,listening and taking back control that gets lost in the everyday shuffle. A wonderful friend once told me in a way that I could understand "Different desires and paths. Some things are there and others aren't. I know there's no such thing as a perfect match but sometimes we all want what's unobtainable." This has stuck with me in a sense as my belief is different in this regard. As we choose our path we also often have forces beyond our control and I feel like we should endure them and "lean not on our own barriers" If one speak their desires and paths, often as humans one tends to conform to them with regret later. As for the reason to not speak them, let them run naturally and as for those that are of difference let them rest as friends and continue to lead your own path, not someone else. Learning this has saved me a great amount of stress and energy that need not be. |
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AuthorThis blog is being established to share the things that I have been through in the past year. From divorce,domestic violence and the death of my child. I am writing to share domestic violence help and coping skills. Hoping that this will reach many and ensure that woman and men are not alone when dealing with life situations. If this blog at least helps one individual, I will have succeeded. Archives
July 2015
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