There are many paths that life continues to take and time will never stand still no matter what the journey began with. Whether this be domestic violence or the loss of child or both. Life does not stand still. As time has went on learning to love again has brought everything to a different level and then the unexpected happens after being told having another child was impossible. In March of this year (2015). I was told I am pregnant. While this is child 2 emotions are overwhelming after losing Tyler. Realizing I am not alone in the mixed emotions that come with this one must also realize that the past events are not going unnoticed. This also brings anxiety and more depression as judgements come from many places. One must realize that these judgements are just that.
While the outside world sees some of these women as first-time mothers, moms in this situation know that they are not. And yet, the story and life of their first child often goes unnoticed and denied by so many. People are unsure of how to talk about the loss of a child with the women who have this story. Friends, family and neighbors often become silent rather than reach out to these moms in an effort to honor the lives of the babies who were lost. The comments that understandably upset the individuals the most are those that sound something like this: “Well, you are young. You can always try for another.” Many of the moms who I see have taken this comment as an expectation that another baby is supposed to somehow take place of the one who was lost. And when this is the case, these women may feel that there is neither opportunity nor the room to be a mother to both.
Now that there is another child in the picture the thoughts of "replacing" the lost child makes the anxiety and depression even worse. One must realize that the opportunity is a "gift" and and "miracle" and not a replacement. Although this is a hard process and takes time there are so many things that go along with it. The triggers that we may not realize begin to surface that we may not even known were there. One must address these triggers to ensure good quality health.
While the outside world sees some of these women as first-time mothers, moms in this situation know that they are not. And yet, the story and life of their first child often goes unnoticed and denied by so many. People are unsure of how to talk about the loss of a child with the women who have this story. Friends, family and neighbors often become silent rather than reach out to these moms in an effort to honor the lives of the babies who were lost. The comments that understandably upset the individuals the most are those that sound something like this: “Well, you are young. You can always try for another.” Many of the moms who I see have taken this comment as an expectation that another baby is supposed to somehow take place of the one who was lost. And when this is the case, these women may feel that there is neither opportunity nor the room to be a mother to both.
Now that there is another child in the picture the thoughts of "replacing" the lost child makes the anxiety and depression even worse. One must realize that the opportunity is a "gift" and and "miracle" and not a replacement. Although this is a hard process and takes time there are so many things that go along with it. The triggers that we may not realize begin to surface that we may not even known were there. One must address these triggers to ensure good quality health.